I watched the stars last night for the first time since I arrived. After dinner I grabbed a blanket and laid down in the grass. The moon hadn’t risen and all the lights in the city were off, except for some glowing windows in the distance. Smoke rose from a few chimneys. The smell of embers turned into a slight haze that hung near the ground. It was so quiet I could hear the earth moving beneath me. A moment of peace in a chaotic world.
It’s possible that the world is fine and I’m the chaotic one. Those around me move about their day, oblivious to my crumbling existence. Unaware of the wake of sadness and misery I leave behind. I’m sure they understand. Why don’t they acknowledge it? Maybe it’s human nature to shy away from pain; a defense mechanism to save ourselves from hurting. I don’t know.
Since no one in the town has any idea what’s going on, I decided to make a habit out of walking to the ring road. I want to talk to someone with new information, but it doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I can’t be the only person that wants clarity. I’m in a fog, not able to see the outside world. It’s so close, like I need to walk a few more feet and I’ll be out in the open, sun shining down on me.
Today’s trip to the road was as fruitless as the last, albeit the weather wasn’t as pallid. I sat against the same rock as before, staring ahead. I tried not to think about how my stomach was turning inside out. I was too hungry to take a nap. After a while I was overcome with a feeling of dread. There was no wind, no sounds. The stillness no longer brought life. I felt nothing, like I was the last human on earth. Not even the raven came to visit.
As I sat there, trying to understand my feelings, a thought popped into my head that terrified me. I pushed it from my mind as it entered. Everything is going to be fine.
When I returned from the road, Finnr and Aldan were working on the boat. Halla was with some of the other townsfolk out in a field to the west. Later, Aldan pulled me aside to let me know the town thought it would be smart to start some gardens. I agreed, went inside up to my room and closed the door.
I get why they want to start gardens, but is that the best use of time? We should be getting answers, not burying our heads in the sand going on as if nothing was wrong.If we could talk to someone on the outside, we’d hear that everything is fine. Things got a little crazy, but life will return to normal shortly. I’m going crazy.