My eyes fluttered open. Somewhere down the hall, Aldan announced that it was time to wake up. I exhaled louder than usual. “I’m up”, I muttered before trying to orient myself. I closed my eyes. I had been dreaming of being at home in bed with Oki; Azami cuddled between us. It felt so vivid thirty-seconds ago, but as Aldan’s footsteps faded down the stairs, so did the dream. I was alone.
After our failed trip to Reykjavik, Halla and Aldan sat me down for a discussion about my future. They would allow me to stay as long as I worked in the community gardens and helped out around the house. In retrospect, I should have been doing that weeks ago, but I was so focused on getting home, it never crossed my mind.
I rolled out of bed, grabbed my clothes and went down to the kitchen. Halla was already preparing breakfast. Cured fish. Some sort of green from the garden. Fresh eggs from the neighbor’s chickens. It got light outside earlier with each passing day, but the darkness was hard to shake inside the house. I stood in the doorway, fiddling with my belt. Halla stopped cutting and held onto the countertop. Every crease on her face was accentuated by the small flickering candle next to the gas stove. She seemed worn thin, like a threadbare t-shirt, ready to fall apart at any minute. I approached and took over the preparations.
Finnr came out of his room shortly after and sat down at the kitchen table. He and Halla spoke in Icelandic. I couldn’t understand what they said, but I did pick up Aldan’s name. He must have left to work on the boat.
After breakfast, I walked outside. The deep shades of blue had faded while Polaris clung to what was left of the night, shining as a beacon to those at sea. For a moment, the waning moon was visible before it dipped below the horizon. A few residents made their way toward the harbor.
I spent most of the day hunched over in the garden pulling weeds. My lower back ached. By mid-morning, the sea breeze had tapered off and the sun beat down. Sweat poured into my eyes, leaving them irritated. Halla stopped by to help, pointing out weeds I had missed. It felt more like a teacher-student dynamic. It felt natural to sit and listen as she pointed out which insects were pests or what healthy leaves looked like.
We finished later in the afternoon, as a few darker clouds moved in from the east. A light rain fell, cooling the earth around me. While walking back to the house, I passed Aldan and Finnr working on their boat. “A few more days, then we’ll move it to the ocean”, Aldan said. “Then we can start fishing.” I froze for a split second. It wasn’t clear if I would be going out with them. The idea of being on a small boat surrounded by endless water filled me with dread. Aldan looked at me, his face expressionless. I looked down, pretending to kick at a rock. When I looked back up, he had walked around to the other side of the boat.
This is my life now. I’m old. My back hurts. I’m dehydrated. My neck and ears sunburned. I’m hungry and I’m going out of my mind. I work long days in the garden. Do chores around the house. I’m terrified at the possibility of going out onto the ocean. It can’t say that it makes me happy, but there is something about working outside, surrounded by nature, free from the distractions of daily life. Something primal that I can get behind.
I miss my family.